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Ben’s Survival Guide for Rocking the Daisies 2013

Ben’s Survival Guide for Rocking the Daisies 2013

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October 1st, 2013

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Let’s face it, we’ve all been to a festival or two. But no matter how experienced a festival goer you are, there are always things to learn. So with that in mind, I bring you my best festival tips.

Disclaimer: This guide is by no means comprehensive, but here are just a few bits of advice to help you get the most out of your festival experience.

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If you’re new to festies, this might help. If you’ve been going for years then it may just refresh your drink-addled brain as to what you should remember to take with you

Essentials:

Tent – DUH!
Ticket – crucial. give the tickets to someone responsible in your group.
Money – to buy beer with, of course.
Clothes – obvious, but don’t take many. You probably won’t change them anyway.
Sleeping bag – if the weather holds up, you’ll be sweating like a pig in your tent by six in the morning. If it’s cold, you’ll be glad of it.
Hammer – some fields are as hard as concrete. A hot tip is to cut your tent pegs down to about half, before you go. They’ll still hold your tent up and you can put them in without any hassle – then you can get drinking earlier
Beer – The most essential thing after the tent, ticket and the money
Stash – but remember, drugs are still illegal, even at festivals, and there are cops\security on-site, so be aware
Loo roll – even though the toilets are way better now, this is a wise thing to take. Never lend your roll to anyone, though – it rarely comes back…
More beer – you can’t have too much beer
Toothbrush and toothpaste
– because you don’t want things to grow on your teeth.
Sunscreen – because t-shirt tans are the worst.

Optional:

Torch – useful when you’re pissed and trying to find stuff in your tent at night.
Airbed – personally, I couldn’t do without this any more, but I have back problems
Footpump – if you have muscles, take the normal arm pump, but if your arms are smaller than a girls, like mine, Its just not possible.
Food – unless you’re lazy and just want to buy food at the food court.
Skottel – if you take food (see above)
Cigarettes – available at the festival , but for a steep price.
Lighters
– we all know smokers steal each others lighters.

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Right so now time for some Fun Tips.

 

  • Get a bigger erection

    The bigger your tent (well what did you think I meant?), the more comfortable your festival experience will be. If you can’t get your hands on a mansion tent with separate compartments – or can’t be bothered to put one up – make sure that your smaller tent at least has a porch area for muddy wellies, bits of rubbish and food and drink supplies. Keep your bedroom area clean and dry, so no matter how cold, wet and grumpy you get you’ll always have a clean, cosy den to return to.

  • Get your pitch right

    You may think that pitching up near a path will make it easier to find your tent at night, or that camping near to the loos will be convenient, but just mentally fast forward 24 hours to when you’re lying there breathing in toilet fumes and trying to sleep while people stomp past your tent speaking VERY LOUDLY about WHAT A FUCKING RUSH THAT MDMA WAS and how they’re LITERALLY GOING TO HAVE A FALAFEL TOMORROW. Choose a pitch deep in the middle of the campsite, and stick a flag on top to guide you home.

  • Take a spare battery

    Yes, your phone will probably die – especially if it’s doubling up as a camera. Thankfully this is 2013 and there will be an area for you to charge your phone, so you’ll have plenty of juice for the festival.

  • Take a wee jug (LADIES ONLY)

    Avoid annoying, treacherous middle of the night toilet trips and the morning queues at the portaloos by taking your own indoor lav (strictly Number Ones only). Pick up a cheap plastic funnel, a cheap plastic jug, and hey presto you have your own in-tent loo. Just be careful not to splash. And when you’ve done your business, just pour it on the grass outside. Not directly outside your door.

  • Take something warm

    Even if you’re blessed with sunshine during the day, this is Cape Town and it WILL get nippy at night. Take a warm hoody or jacket with you for the evening, so that you can enjoy the headline acts and late night shenanigans without complaining about the cold.

  • Keep the mud to a minimum

    Woo hoo it’s muddy! Let’s all splash about in it! That will be hilarious! Yes, for about five minutes. And then you’ll spend the rest of the day looking and feeling like a big, itchy, disgusting mud monster who nobody will want to hang out with. Don’t do it.

  • Leave the Onesie at home

    Onesies , jumpsuits and other all-in-one outfits may look nice , but just think how you’ll feel when you have to strip it all off and hover naked over a revolting portaloo in the dark. That pikachu onesie won’t be so cute when it’s been dipped in the smelly waste of your fellow festival-goers.

  • Keep a clean change of clothes

    Nobody wants to be faced with the prospect of a long journey home in muddy wet clothes, so leave a clean outfit, a fresh pair of socks and some shoes in the car to change into at the end of the festival. Trust me, it’s the closest feeling to being wrapped in a warm fluffy towel by your mom than you’re ever likely to experience.

  • Pace Yourself

    You’re at a festival, not a club. So be responsible, you dont want to spend the day in a tent dying because you you went to hard the previous night, And none of your friends wants to hear how terrible you feel.

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DOs & DONTs

Do get pissed and miss your favourite bands.
Do try to remember exactly where you camped. It’s amazing the number of people stumbling round in the dark with no idea where their tents are. Tie something distinctive to your tent or download the Rocking the Daisies 2013 App.
Do try to be at least on nodding terms with your neighbours – they’ll usually look out for your camp site when you’re not there. Return this favour.
Do keep an eye out for the pigs – there aren’t that many at Daisies, but they are around, particularly in the camp sites.
Do take something to snack on in the wee small hours.
Do put as much of your campsite litter in a bag.
• Try not to fall on people’s tents when you’re pissed.
• Remember where the first aid tent is, Just in case.
Do get some sleep, unless you’re a Tik kop who doesn’t sleep for an entire 3-day festival.
Do buy me a beer if you see me. I’ll be so grateful.

Don’t bother staying sober
Don’t tip the Portaloos over on the last night – it’s not big and it’s not clever, after all, you’re going to need them on the Sunday.
Don’t pull down the strings of lights in the campsite – that’s not big or clever, either.
Don’t bother padlocking your tent, despite what people may tell you. It just says you might have something worth nicking, and thieves will think nothing of slashing your tent open to see what’s inside.
Don’t take any food that’s likely to go off or melt if left in your tent. You’d be surprised how hot a tent gets during the day, and waking up in a tent the inside of which is completely smeared with rancid butter isn’t a pleasant experience
Don’t bother trying to take photographs of bands on stage unless you have professional equipment. Your pics will almost certainly be crap.
Don’t camp near those stalls that play ear-splitting techno all night, unless you don’t need/like sleep
Don’t bother taking condoms – if you’re sober or fragrant enough to pull at a festie, then you ain’t trying hard enough. Of course, if your girlfriend/boyfriend is with you, that won’t be a problem.
Don’t buy drugs off strange people in the camp site after dark unless you can check the goods first. You’ll probably get a little lump of soil wrapped in cling film. I’ve seen it happen.

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Words By: Ben McCabe | @callmeben0

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